Humbly, Technoblade believed he was the best butterfly keeper in the entire city.
Probably the only one, but that didn’t stop him from being proud of his job. He loved butterflies, and he had since he was a kid—ever since he saw the little bugs in his backyard, watched with reverence as they landed delicately on his finger. He was hooked. Butterflies were incredible.
Clearly, no one else in the entire goddamn city felt the same. Quackity and his f*ckin’ duck exhibit got more visitors than Techno’s conservatory. Even the name was a disrespect! He had tried to convince Puffy to let him call it the lepidopterarium, as it was supposed to be, but she had refused. Like a loser . Like a person with extremely low intelligence . Not that he would ever say any of that to Puffy. She was kind of scary, and had been running the zoo since before Techno was born, so Techno feared her, because he had common sense.
Now, he sighed, shifting on his feet inside his conservatory ( lepidopterarium ). He hadn’t had a single visitor yesterday, except for that one old lady around noon. But she had looked kind of lost, so it probably hadn’t been on purpose.
His radio beeped. “ Zoo doors are open ,” the crackled voice of Ted said, and Techno huffed. Didn’t make a difference for him. He would spend the entire day with his butterflies, all alone, and he would be happy about it.
Then, the doors flew open, and a little kid came sprinting inside.
“Woah, woah,” Techno said sharply, and no, he was not startled. “No runnin’, kid.”
“Sorry, sir,” the kid squeaked. He couldn’t have been older than ten or eleven. “Just—this is the butterfly place? The lepa-lepadarum?”
“Lepidopterarium?” Techno said faintly. No way did this kid actually know about that. “Uh, yeah. It is. You like butterflies?”
“I love butterflies,” the kid said breathlessly. “I’m Tommy! Where are the butterflies. Show me the butterflies.”
Techno smiled despite himself. “They might still be sleepin’. Want to go find some?”
Tommy’s face lit up. Okay, Techno admitted to himself begrudgingly. Maybe Niki did have a point. Kids could be cute. Sometimes. This one was an exception, and only because he liked butterflies. No other reason.
Techno led him to the back corner, where he knew that a few of the buckeyes liked to hide. He crouched down so he was at Tommy’s eye level. “We have to be really quiet,” he whispered, and Tommy nodded eagerly. “You see that brown thing right there?” He pointed to a dark brown shape, tucked underneath a leaf. “That’s a buckeye butterfly.”
“Oh, wow!” Tommy shuffled a little closer, and the butterfly shifted a little bit. “It’s so small!”
“The smallest butterflies can be the size of your fingernail,” Techno offers, unable to restrain himself from sharing facts with someone who actually cares. Even if it is a ten year old. “The biggest ones have a wingspan of almost a foot.”
Tommy’s mouth was wide open. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Techno nodded. One of the buckeyes flew over to land on Tommy’s finger, and the boy’s mouth opened in a soundless shriek. He was probably making sound, though, but just at a decibel so high the human ear couldn’t hear it.
“Oh my god,” Tommy said, practically vibrating with excitement. Techno was honestly impressed the butterfly was still on his finger, but there it was, just chilling, wings moving up and down slowly. “Oh my god . It’s so perfect. I’m naming it Clementine.”
Techno squinted at the little bug. “I dunno. It looks more like a male.”
“His name is Clementine,” Tommy said with determination, and Techno pursed his lips to hide an amused grin. The kid was too distracted to notice anyways.
“Hey, where are your parents?” Techno asked suddenly. sh*t. He was a terrible adult.
“My mum’s at the aviary,” Tommy said offhandedly, still fixated on the butterfly. “She likes birds, ‘cause she’s a nerd.”
Techno snorted. “And you’re not a nerd.”
“It’s different!” Tommy protested. “Butterflies are cooler. She just like crows ‘cause she thinks they’re smart.”
“I mean, they are,” Techno offered.
“Hey! You’re—“ Tommy squinted at his name tag, “—Techno the Butterfly Keeper! Not Techno the bird keeper!”
“I can still think birds are cool,” Techno pointed out. “Plus, my friend Phil works there. He also likes birds.”
Tommy narrowed his eyes. “Hmm. They should get married, then.”
Techno spluttered. “I—what?”
“That’s how it works! If you like the same things then you get married!”
“That is absolutely not how it works—“
“Like you would know, you look like you have met no woman ever—Clementine, no!” Tommy let out an anguished noise as the butterfly grew bored of Tommy’s finger and flew off. “He left me,” Tommy said with deep devastation, and Techno raised an eyebrow.
“He’s a bug,” he deadpanned, and Tommy crossed his arms.
“He has feelings,” the kid scowled. Techno snorted.
“So, why do you like butterflies so much?”
Tommy perked up immediately. “They’re just so cool! They start of as ‘lil caterpillars and-and then they go in a cocoon and get all goopy, and when they come out, they have wings! And they eat so many leaves when they’re caterpillars, cause-cause they need to be all strong and big when they do met-a-morph-a-sis!”
“That’s really cool,” Techno said. “Do you have a favorite butterfly? Mine’s the buckeye,” he gestured to the ones hiding among the leaves, “because they can blend in really well with trees and shi-stuff.” Whoops. Come on, Techno, child friendly mode, he scolded himself.
“I like monarchs,” Tommy said excitedly. “They’re so bright and orange and people love them because they look r’lly cool! And some of them can travel more’n three thousand miles a year!”
Techno blinked. He… didn’t know that. The f*ck? Who the hell was this kid? “Yeah?”
“Yeah! And sometimes when they leave their cocoons, they eat them!” Tommy exclaimed, beaming.
“Sounds delightful,” Techno deadpanned, and Tommy giggled.
“It is kinda weird.” The kid wrinkled is nose. “It’d be like if I ate my whole skin—“
“O-kay,” Techno interrupted hastily. “Let’s go look for some monarchs.”
“ Ooh !”
